If your hand or arm is going to “accidentally” brush against my ample bosom once, I will turn my eyes the other way and let you be. While I agree that accidents will always happen no matter what; I will not be looking forward to similar accidents from you ever. Which is why I am taking time off to inform you that accidents that involve you touching my body parts are not going to be forgiven twice. And since there is no way I am going to shrink my bosom, please learn to keep your distance, your roving eyes and arms slash hands to your space.
Dear colleague, note that I prefer shaking hands than hugging, for the simple reason that hugging is informal and is preserved for my close friends and relatives not colleagues. But if you ever find me crying and feel the urge to hug me as a way of comforting me ( we all have those moments when all we need is a hug), please don’t press your body so much into mine, because well, then you will not be hugging me but trying to squeeze air from my lungs! A hug doesn’t have to be full body to work. The Cambridge dictionary defines hug as to hold someone close to your body with your arms to show that you like, love or value them. Please put emphasis on “hold” and ignore the rest of the definition from love onwards.
Dear colleague, on behalf of those colleagues who are well endowed posteriorly, butt groping will never ever be treated as an accident! As a matter of fact, butt groping is a form of sexual assault. So don’t go grabbing buttocks that you have no right over and think you are better than rapists. If you are going to grab buttocks or thighs for fun, then you can wait and go to be sorry in court because there is no way in hell I am going to stand and wait for you to apologize to me for “accidentally” feeling my ass or thighs or any part of my body for that matter!
And finally colleagues, when it comes to sex, there is no such a thing as implied consent. We have far too many bosses assuming that a worker who stays late in the office is sending them some message. How they assume it is sexual, I am yet to find out. Someone cannot work late and have peace, dear colleagues. The moment some of you discover a colleague is staying late, you start staying late too, time your toilet breaks with theirs, somehow find yourselves in their offices for no intelligent reasons at all and before long, your thrusting your hands into places you should never touch in the first place. And you will think of yourself differently from a rapist, accuse your victim as a pretender and of passing mixed signals. Mixed signals my left foot! Why on earth don’t you just man up or woman up and ask for sex.
If you are going to have sex with someone, the least you need is a consent. Sneaking up to your colleagues and assuming that given your familiarity with them you can try grabbing their breast then hopefully end up laying them doesn’t make you any different from a rapist. Rape isn’t having sex with an unfamiliar person, it is having sex with someone who has not consented!
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